Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
