woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
