either way he was missing a nipple.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
