I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
