No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize