mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
