farters have to be the big spoon...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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