You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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