I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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