It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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