I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
