Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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