they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
