Already got asked if we're dating
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
