if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
