3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
