I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
