porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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