I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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