Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have post one night stand depression
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
