I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
