there's paper in my vomit.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This toilet bowl is my home.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
