hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
