I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
