I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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