I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
