I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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