A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
