walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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