I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I party with great urgency now.
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