my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
