and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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