Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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