My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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