I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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