My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
