Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
