haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
