Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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