Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
