AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Drake has all the answers
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
