Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
