Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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