My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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