apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
