I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
