You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want her autograph on my taint
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
