and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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