I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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