I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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