Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
