I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize