first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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