So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
