i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
