bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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