I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You made out with two different species that night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
