Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
