I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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