Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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