The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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