I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
