If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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