can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
