she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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