I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'd cum for enchiladas.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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