my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize