Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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