I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
