closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
