I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
