maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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