so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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