i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
