We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
