when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
