she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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