Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize