onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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