i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
